I haven’t posted on the #MeToo and #TimesUp movements before this, because honestly, I wasn’t sure yet how to voice my thoughts about this pivotal time for women.  I’d love to say that I have no stories to share, but being a woman in a male-dominated profession, all I will say is:  #metoo.  I admire every brave person who has come forward, and allowed their negative experiences to transform into a movement of unity, positivity, and (hopefully) change.

I’ve been watching and listening to fellow male architects, clients, and contractors since this movement started gaining steam.  I sense a tinge of fear.  Fear of saying or doing the wrong thing.  Fear of someone interpreting a comment in the wrong way.  And quite honestly, it’s about time the norms are shaken up, and society is beginning to understand that words and actions, which are disrespectful to others, are not acceptable .

However, I am also concerned about this new found fear.  As women in male-dominated fields know, we have to work that much harder to be respected and taken seriously.  A man, with the same credentials and amount of experience as myself, will walk into a room of new people and automatically have their respect.  I will walk into that same room and have to earn their respect.  Is this right?  No.  Is this fair?  No.  Is this the reality?  Yes.  And now, I worry this new found fear towards women in the work force, in general, will only increase the height of the hurdle I already have to jump over.  Maybe we are creating a greater distance between men and women, instead of lessing the divide and becoming equals?

So it makes me consider the real root of the problem here.

I have always stood 110% behind the truth that women embody power, strength, and resiliency.  It still boggles me that women aren’t running the world, because lets face it, women are the ones that get sh*t done.  But it’s not people making things happen, it’s the money behind the people that are making things happen.  And then I realize why men are still in power in our society.  As much as we all want to pretend it isn’t so, the truth remains that Money = Power.  So until women, on average, are making and controlling just as much, or more money than men, we will struggle to be equals in most realms of society.  Which unfortunately means we will struggle to bring about change.  That doesn’t mean it can’t and won’t happen, because like I previously said, women get sh*t done, so I have no doubt we will continue to work through the struggle.  However, the haul has, and will continue to be a long one.

But how do we help other women, and also contribute ourselves, to this goal of women making and having the same amount of money as men?  There are tactile ways, like supporting causes such as Let Girls Learn, that help to insure young girls receive the same education as boys, so they can go on to high paying careers.  There is also Dress For Success, an organization that helps women get back on their feet after going through rough times.

But I believe so much lies in how we raise our girls.  Girls, from a young age, need to learn about money, and investing, and saving.  Girls need to learn about personal goals that involve excelling at what drives them, and supporting themselves, both monetarily and mentally.  We need to hear early on that getting married can be a nice part of life, but not doesn’t need to be an end goal in life.  And if and when that marriage happens, there is nothing that says you have to join bank accounts entirely.  Having your own money, that you earn and control, gives one a sense of self confidence that dwindles, once it becomes community money.

We need to instill in young women that if she wants to continue her career after having a baby, the father can stay home with the kids.  We see it sometimes, but it still garners sarcasm in titles like Mr. Mom.  No, he’s Mr. Dad and there’s no good reason he can’t take a pause from his career to help raise the children.

Until these ideas become the norm, and not the exception, women will have to work that much harder to gain equality.  Is any of this right?  No.  Is any of this fair?  No.  But it’s the reality.  And we need to change this reality.